Sure, it looks like it tries to feebly glean lame jokes and memes from the internet. The very premise behind its title crawls on the back of Snakes On A Plane. Sure, some of the effects are cheesy, and the acting is bad, and the jokes are bad.

But you know what?

This STILL looks fucking awesome. This is the Dragon Wars of Giant Spider movies. Check it.

Why yes, that is a big ass spider.

So I guess this is what life is like for a caterpillar.



The females are all, ‘yeah I’d hit that.’

Well, I’m sold.

Forget all my previous apprehensions about this movie. The lack of Mars (Maawhsz!), the silly looking gangly robots that replace the nameless mooks that are supposed to get shot up, and the generic looking future car chase sequences.

With the introduction of this new, full theatrical trailer, Total Remake now has 7, count ’em 7 breasts to look forward to.

That’s right, mutants. Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, AND the three-breasted hooker.

But, all tittery aside. The more I see about this flick, the more it grows on me. It still seems like a silly remake, but it looks like it may at least be a fun ride. And at least they kept an R rating, unlike those silly twats that are rebooting Starship Troopers.


The dreams?

June 15, 2012

Mmmm, yes… tell me where they are.

For I much desire to turn them into nightmares.

Why did you program dogs like this, Nature? WHY?

I wonder if cats do the same thing… /wanders off to find a cat.

The scariest thing about the fucked up monsters under water is that, even if I wanted to kill them with fire, I couldn’t.

Damn, nature. You scary.


Japan (of course this is from Japan. You had doubts?) is soon releasing an anime adaptation of the popular horror manga series “Gyo” or “The Fish.”

This particular manga, it seems, focuses on a mysterious “death stench” that accompanies HORRIFYING LAND-SCUTTLING SPIDER-FISH WITH METAL ROBOT LEGS.

Oh, and they fart and spread the death stench around.

Let me be the first to say that there is no way in hell that this series, given these facts and the incomprehensible trailer I have just watched, can be anything but totally and completely fucking RAD!

Check it. Your life may depend on it.