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The ultimate thumb wrestling opponent.

Or perhaps a tiny little Iron Chef yelling out the secret ingredient (but we just can’t hear him ’cause he speaks Mantis)?

Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Have you ever wondered what an aquarium full of living, squirming dicks would look like?

That’s funny, me too!

Well, it turns out there’s an impossibly horrible, terribly monstrous, incredibly phallic creature that lives beneath the sea called Urechis Unicinctus. Also known as the “Spoon Worm” or the more accurate “Korean Penis Fish,” this thing is apparently eaten raw in China, Japan and especially Korea. Thus proving once and for all my scientific theory of “asian bitches love the dick.”

With your powers combined, I am Worm Planet!

Seriously though, what is that? What kind of fucked up Lovecraftian Eldritch Horror IS that? Can you imagine having a beard made out of that? I mean, without having a heart attack.

I have the sudden urge to sit in my shower with my clothes on and weep.

F’real.

What the fuck?

Nomday!

August 1, 2011

As someone who loves sour cream more than life itself, I understand this cat.

Excuse me, waiter…

July 24, 2011

THERE’S AN EFFING SQUID IN MY SOUP…

…PLEASE REMOVE THIS PROMPTLY.

The new marketing campaign for Rise of the Planet of the Apes has shown some pretty epic (and pretty believable) viral videos of apes doing scary shit.

They start off innocent enough, showing gorillas walking upright, beating humans at intelligence tests, playing video games.

Then eventually they move into apes with AK-47’s, and chimps trained by Idi Amin to hunt his enemies with machetes and it’s full on nightmare material from there.

Check it.

Gorilla Walks Upright

Chimp Plays First Person Shooter

Chimp Beats Human: Intelligence Test

Ape With AK-47

Chimp with Machete